Dear Lucy & Go-go,
Dear Lucy and Go-go,
I want to tell you a story about Daddy at school.
Daddy had trouble paying attention. I’m sure I wasn’t paying attention in 2nd grade when the teacher was instructing cursive and then used my work as an example of what not to do. (I connected not only the letters but all the words too. It seemed faster that way).
Daddy cried in class because he was embarrassed.
In third grade daddy thought that the way you spelled pounds was lobes, because he had seen the abbreviation lbs. and on the way to school every morning, I saw a place called Loeb’s. They sold BBQ by the pound. Somewhere in Daddy’s brain he thought Loeb’s was the same as pounds.
Daddy cried after he raised his hand confidently to spell pounds. L-O-B-E-S
In fifth grade, Daddy had to do math homework that he didn’t understand and cried inside while the other kids were playing basketball.
Daddy was also social. He liked to talk, he liked to make people feel better. When he wasn’t good at math, he decided to do the thing he was good at connecting with people.
In sixth grade, Daddy had to stay home and read a book for a book report. Daddy didn’t like reading. It was sunny and beautiful outside and Daddy was angry that he couldn’t go outside. I couldn’t remember a thing about that book, because I didn’t like it. The whole thing made me think that I don’t like reading.
In High School, Daddy was diagnosed with ADD. It’s a disorder of the brain that makes it seem that you are constantly distracted. I took medication that made me depressed (made me sad, I cried a lot). I decided that I needed to figure out how to cope without medication.
I didn’t get into the school I wanted to go to because I didn’t have good grades. I remember writing a paper to admissions department, they must have thought I was illiterate. Because of my procrastination, I wrote the paper with a tear soaked face knowing that I had failed to give myself enough time.
When I did finally go to college, I had to take remedial math classes because I wasn’t good at memorizing formulas. I failed that class. I failed all of my classes because I quit going. When I decided to go back to college, I took classes that were interesting to me and I got A’s. In math, I got C’s just enough to pass. That is until I took a theory of number class, it was like a history of mathematics and how it all worked. I loved it, because it showed the reasons people use math and how the ideas of math and measure were developed because people needed to know when to plant their crops. So they had to figure out units of measurement to know when rivers would flood. So they watched the stars, the sun, and the moon. They figured out time and how many seconds there were a day. At that time, Math Was Magic. After that class, I got better at math. I still read about science, math and physics.
All of these stories about Daddy in school, say one thing: Daddy was never really good at playing the game of school and in many ways Daddy struggles playing many of the games of life, but it doesn’t mean my life isn’t rich.
Daddy now loves reading. I read enough now to make up for all the time I didn’t want to read as a kid. Daddy loves math, even if he doesn’t always understand, he loves the wonder of calculation, it is totally magic. Daddy loves learning, but he didn’t like being told what to learn in school.
Daddy has failed and will continue to fail at many parts of life, but that is the cost of participating in life. Later in life we get a choice of what games we want to play, most people don’t choose things where they may feel like a failure and most people don’t know they are even playing a game. That’s not to say it’s a joke either, everyone gets to decide how seriously they take it all.
Why am I telling you, Lucy and Go-go, all of this? Because I want you to know that we all struggle through life. Everyone is always trying to figure out life every day, that is to say we all are always learning. Learning and Study doesn’t come from just an obligation and expectation, eventually it also comes from a love of being alive. Keep finding what you love and have fun digging deep. As we get older, we start to see patterns, but don’t rush to get older and wiser. Just live your life and try to love what you are doing.
Remember that ADD that was a problem for me in school. What was a problem is now a gift for Daddy, if I do work that is interesting I can concentrate completely. It helps me focus my strengths into something that can actually help people.
A few things Daddy is still learning that I hope will help you.
Act more from love, than from fear. Yes fear is ok, and of course love is ok.
We always have to find balance and we all fall. It means we are trying. The more you face the falls of life, the more compassion you will have for others who are falling.
Take your time, but don’t waste your time.
School is important, but it’s not everything.
Humbleness and Humility show that you are willing to learn, but sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.
When your heart calls, listen. It might not be rational, it might not fit into any games that the world wants you to play. It will only be for you.
When your heart gives you a calling that doesn’t make a lot of money, you might have to take another job to support your art. Find a way to put love and respect in that job as well.
Not everyone will understand you, especially if you are doing the work of your heart. The bigger the work, the more the resistance will be.
“Rain is wet and Sugar is sweet
Clap your hands and stomp your feet
Everybody... Everybody Knows
When Love Calls... You Gotta Go
”
